Supporting Motorsport Related Companies

At a time when so many companies, especially niche, artisan ones, are struggling due to the ongoing corona virus restrictions, I wanted to do my best to support the great, unique places I’ve found, or been recommended, that provide motorsport related products and services. So, whether you’re looking for holiday gifts or a personal treat, please find below a list of fantastic suggestions to cater to motorsport fans of all ages and across every budget.

Motorsport is often a described as a family, so let’s come to together now and support the talented, dedicated ‘creators’ within our sport.

(Disclaimer: This is not an advert and I'm not being paid or benefitting in any way for doing this list. It is purely just my way of trying to help some of the great businesses and people I know within our industry.. Please feel free to message me if you have any questions.) 
 

Omologato Watches - https://www.omologatowatches.com
With over 25 years of experience creating watches and founded by passionate motorsport fan Shami Kalra, Omologato are so much more than a ‘sponsor a car’ brand. They genuinely live their motor racing and give back to the sport on every level. For high quality, affordable watches that epitomise the iconic cars, circuits, and drivers they support, visit their website for their full range of watches for both men and women.
                                                                       
Racing Chocs - https://www.racingchocs.com
With exquisite handmade chocolates that replicate an ever growing range of famous driver’s helmet designs, plus chocolate race cars and holiday specials such as Easter Eggs and Christmas Lids, Racing Chocs are an excellent choice whether you’re looking for a special gift for a fellow motorsport fan or dealing with a corporate event.

Due to high demand, unfortunately orders for Christmas closed on Sunday 22nd November, but Racing Chocs make for a perfect gift all year round.
 
Carbon Art by Alistair Gibson - https://carbonart45.com
Having been a successful mechanic in the motorsport industry for 22 years, Alistair Gibson combined his engineering skills with a love of the natural world to recycle F1 car parts and create stunning carbon fibre sculptures. From stunning manta rays and sharks, to piranhas and even human hearts, each one of Alistair’s artwork’s is as mesmerizingly beautiful as it is utterly unique.
 
Toronto Motorsports - https://www.tomotorsports.com

With a shop based in the Canadian city since 1995, and a website bursting at the seams with everything from race stickers and diecast replica models to race worn helmets and original trophies, Toronto Motorsports has become a ‘go-to’ company for auto racing memorabilia. Specialising in Indycar products, including Canadian drivers James Hinchcliffe and Robert Wickens’ merchandise, you can also find artwork, clothing and a large selection of stickers based on Warwick Rogers cartoons.

For more of Roger Warwick’s artwork you can also visit his Esty shop: https://www.etsy.com/uk/shop/RogerWarrick
 
Graham & Leigh - https://grahamandleigh.co.uk
For exquisite bespoke handmade race circuit artwork, visit the Graham and Leigh website. Born from a passion of motor racing, design and working with the natural qualities of wood, Andy Graham and Barbara Leigh bring your favourite race circuits a little closer with handcrafted artwork to enhance any home or office. Offering any circuit, from any year, in any layout, you have the unique opportunity to own a very personal bespoke piece of race circuit art. Christmas orders need to be placed by 7th December.
 
The Silverstone Experience - https://silverstone-experience.co.uk/discover
With 10 zones, 12 hands on displays, unique exhibitions and decades of motor racing history and memorabilia, this all-weather attraction at the home of the British F1 GP is sure to be a big hit with all the family. Although temporarily closed due to the current Covid-19 lockdown, the site is planning to reopen on 3rd December, subject to on-going health and safety guidelines, so advance tickets and gift vouchers can be purchased online.
 
Great British Racing Drivers Exhibition & Prints - GBRD: https://gbrd.photos            

Shop: https://indira-flack-photography.myshopify.com
‘Great British Racing Drivers’ is the first visiting photographic exhibition to feature in the afore mentioned Silverstone Experience. Photographer Indira Flack undertook a fascinating journey to capture many of our great British racing drivers, often in unexpected ways. From iconic heroes such as Sir Stirling Moss and John Surtees, to upcoming young stars of the karting track, the exhibition is a must-see when visiting the F1 circuit. You can purchase several of the photographs featured as high-quality prints, a great gift for any fan of British racing drivers, both past and present, with 10% of sales going to Sir Jackie Stewart's charity, Racing Against Dementia. 
 
The Road Rat - https://theroadrat.com
This beautifully crafted, uniquely print only magazine not only revels in the glory of cars, racing and the real, fascinating stories behind them, it also revels in the glory of the print magazine too. Making each exquisitely curated issue a luscious, collector’s item to be cherished as well as an immersive, absorbing reading expereince. Single issues and subscriptions can be purchased, alongside limited-edition slip cases, sticker sets and prints, via the Road Rat website and holiday store.
 
Second Shift Art - https://www.secondshiftart.com
What started as a hobby back in 2013, making clocks from scrap gearbox parts for friends, soon grew into what is now Second Shift Art, recycling used race car parts into stunning, unique and affordable gifts for the everyday race fan. The business now makes lamps, tables, trophies, and custom items alongside the unique clocks they started out with. A great place to find a unique, beautiful, and functional piece of race car history.

The Signature Store - http://www.thesignaturestore.co.uk

If you’re looking for the highest quality, exclusive signed racing memorabilia, you should visit an established market leader in The Signature Store. From artwork and race worn apparel, to stunning one-of-a-kind models, every genuinely signed item here has guaranteed provenance and a fascinating story, giving you the opportunity to not only acquire an amazing gift, but to own unique pieces of motorsport’s history and legacy. The Signature Store is official partner and supplier for Nigel Mansell, John Surtees and the late great Sir Stirling Moss. 

BoxBoxBox - https://boxboxbox.co
With everything from limited edition ‘greatest grand prix’ calendars to race circuit tea towels and stylish clothing, BobBoxBox is a great outlet for unique, quirky motorsport related gifts. This UK based company ships around the world, but is also dedicated to environmentally sound, plastic free processes and packaging too. Check the website for global last ordering and mailing dates.

Vin Designs - https://www.vindesignsart.com
Long-time race fan Vincent Venegas combines his love of motorsport and artistic talent perfectly to create stunning watercolour paintings of race cars, among his various other artwork. Prints from his original paintings, including Lewis Hamilton, Mario Andretti, and the late, great Greg Moore, are available to purchase via his website shop. Also available are prints of the inspiring, uplifting napkin artworks Vincent creates for his daughter each day.
 
EVRO Publishing - https://www.evropublishing.com
If you’re looking for high quality, specialist motor racing books EVRO is the perfect place to start. With decades of expereince in the motorsport media, and fascinating publications by some of the industry’s top authors, EVRO is sure to cater to even the most particular of motorsport fans niche reading requirements. Everything from in depth biographies of drivers such as Jim Clark and Niki Lauda to the untold stories behind the Audi Quattro can be found on their website, alongside exquisite leather-bound special editions.
 
Cold Hard Art - https://www.coldhardart.com/about-cha
While working for Don Schumacher racing as a fabricator, Tom uses Cold Hard Art as his creative outlet, making eye-catching, unique artwork, gifts, and trophies by welding and fabricating car parts. His wide range of exciting metal art, from roses and hearts to a replica Indycar chassis, can be browsed and purchased via the website link. Custom pieces are also available.
 
Indycar/Indianapolis Motor Speedway Shop –
IMS: https://shop.ims.com/pages/ims-homepage
Indycar: https://shop.ims.com/pages/indycar-homepage
For all your Indycar or Indianapolis Motor Speedway memorabilia, including clothing, diecasts, event programs, team and drivers’ merchandise, and limited-edition autographed items. The site currently has some IMS and Indycar registered items in an end of season sale, providing great bargains and gifts.
 
Indycar Nation - https://indycarnation.indycar.com
The official fan community of Indycar, has various levels of membership, each providing different benefits, discounts and access to exclusive money can’t buy fan events, such as post-race photos with the Indy 500 winner and, this year, zoom calls with drivers. Details of next seasons levels, benefits and prices are yet to be released, but membership would make for an interesting, fun gift for any Indycar fan.
 
Motorsport UK Track Days - https://www.msvtrackdays.com/car
For UK based motorsport fans with a taste for speed, MSV Track days offers car track day events to suit all levels of experience and ability across the MSV owned and run circuits: Brands Hatch, Donington Park, Snetterton, Oulton Park, Cadwell Park and Bedford Autodrome. With several top-quality options available at a variety of prices, check out the website for more information and make bookings. Holiday/gift vouchers are also available to purchase.
 
Alyssa Smith Motorsport Jewellery - https://www.alyssasmith.co.uk
For a unique and special gift this holiday season, check out Alyssa Smith’s beautiful motorsport inspired jewellery. From race car necklaces, to circuit cufflinks and much more in between, including a collection featuring the iconic Hesketh teddy bear, you’re sure to find a stunning, conversation starting gift for the motorsport fan in your life.
 
ArtiF1ed - https://www.ebay.co.uk/usr/artif1ed
15 years ago, a motorsport loving MS sufferer saw the vast amount of waste produced by Formula 1 and thought there must be a better option. So, they set up eBay based ArtiF1ed, to sell artwork made from upcycled F1 parts and raise money for MS charities in the process. Check out the site to find bits of F1 history made into great art and help a great cause too.
 
Auto Tradition - http://autotradition.co.uk
This bi-monthly subscription only print magazine chronicles motorsport and motoring heritage, including history, track tests, art, interviews, product tests and reviews. Each seasonal special appeal to drivers, designers, engineers, and restorers, who attend a variety of historic events, and is complimented by the Racing Spirit online newsletter. For more information about the magazine and to subscribe visit the website, where you can also find out more about Auto Traditions special ‘souvenir’ publications, including a book of memories about welsh F1 star Tom Pryce.
 
 
Other Gift Ideas: 

Team and Driver Merchandise and Fan Clubs
If you’re a big fan of a particular team or driver, it’s worth checking out if they have their own merchandise store, and/or fan membership club, as they often offer benefits, discounts and exclusive access and competitions.
 
Magazine Subscriptions
Whether you prefer the feel of a proper print magazine, or the accessibility of a digital download, with discounted prices and access to exclusive content, it’s always worth considering a subscription to your favourite motorsport publications.
 

I genuinely hope this little list helps people both sides of the cash register during the holidays and beyond. Please stay safe through these challenging times and enjoy however you celebrate the season. 
 

A Year Of Loss

A year ago as now I'd just returned from a hectic but fulfilling few weeks working on a writing project incredibly close to my heart and excitedly planning for projects ahead. As I'd boarded the train back however, I had a strange, unsettling sense that the world was starting to shift somehow.... Of course in that moment I had no idea it would actually be my last train journey, and I certainly never imagined just how much life, indeed the world, was about to change. 

In the months that followed that trip, my wings began to get clipped, and, sadly, things just plummeted downhill from there. 

You see, even before the Corona virus fully hit, my life had started to be turned upside down; from a combination of family bereavement and ill health, personal trauma and upheaval, lost trusts, broken promises and plans, devastating betrayals and a whole heap of unexpected stress. Not to mention the soul destroying consequences of arrogant, selfish actions and inactions alongside my own spiralling medical issues, as my body continues to fail me in ways I'm still trying to comprehend and adjust to.

In reality, Covid-19 was just the very unpleasant icing on top of a large mouldy cake, as I was already damaged, withdrawn and isolated by the time lockdown happened. My complex genetic conditions and increasing health problems put me at extreme risk from the corona virus though, so I pretty much became a prisoner in my home at that point. I genuinely haven't been over the door since February now, which is taken a heavy toll mentally. Especially with no end in sight, as my region heads into further lockdown and restrictions amid rising infection and death rates. It doesn't exactly help seeing some people I thought better of using status, money and 'couldn't care less about anyone but myself' attitudes to constantly deny and/or break safety guidelines either.

If I'm brutally honest, I'm struggling on a lot of levels for many reasons right now. And I'm unashamed to admit that I've been to some extremely dark places over the past few months too. Again not helped at all by being treat like worthless 'collateral damage' by people I've trusted, respected and given so much to over the years. Or being told to 'get over it' by those who just always expect me to be strong for them. I've faced a lot of challenging times in my life, some I'd even rate harder than this, but I'll openly confess it's been a while since I've felt quite so broken, lonely and lost as I have done recently. 

As many of you know, one of my main coping mechanisms in life is to throw myself into my work. Sadly though, that has been adversely affected by this current situation too, making it all much more difficult. There are a lot of factors at play of course, but let's face it, being a disabled female writer isn't exactly an advantage at the best of times, let alone during a global pandemic and economic crisis. It would be so good to bury myself in a project right now and have something positive to focus on, especially with my beloved Indycar season ending. 

Again, if I'm totally honest, the only thing that's kept me going at times is my deep love and passion for Indycar, and my Indy Family. As so often in my life Indycar has been the one constant that I can cling to, and I am grateful beyond words to the 'family' who've put their (virtual) arms around me, inspiring me far more than they realise. I miss being trackside so much though and it's been absolute torture not being able to get over to any races and see everyone. The 'pond' has never felt so horribly wide.... 

 
I want to thank Indycar and my friends for helping me get up and keep going, even on the days when I struggle to find a reason to do so. Life has taken a lot from me this year and the broken wings I fought so hard to learn to fly with have been shredded once more. I don't feel like I have a lot of building blocks to work with right now, but I will keep fighting to survive and rebuild whatever life has left for me. One thing's for sure, I need to find a way 'back on track' both figuratively and literally, because life is way too precious, short and important to me to let this damned virus, or any destructive force, take it away. 

 
So here's to the future, whatever it holds for us - but hoping with all my heart it allows us to meet, be happy and chase dreams together again soon. 
 
Take care and stay safe my friends, I love and miss you so much Xx 
 
DREAM - BELIEVE - ACHIEVE 💗

Driving With The Brakes On?

When Roger Penske took over the reins of the Indycar series and the Indianapolis Motor Speedway, he vowed to make its crown jewel, the Indianapolis 500, even more spectacular. But, as we prepare for the 104th running of the great race this weekend, nobody could have foreseen just how 'memorable' it would become, for all the wrong reasons. 

Due to the on-going Covid-19 pandemic, the 2020 race will of course be run without fans present. In many people's eyes, losing a big part of its very life blood in the process. It’s a decision that still doesn't sit easily with a lot of regular race goers, but it’s understandable given the increased infection risks. Penske’s heartfelt letter to the fans this week only highlighting how difficult the choice was alongside his own sadness at running in front of empty stands.

Fans aren’t the only thing that will be missing from Indy this year though. As, somewhat ironically, only months after declaring it's 'Race for Equality' diversity program, this will also be the first time in 20 years that a woman will not be on the grid. Now regardless of your views on female racing drivers, there is a much bigger picture to consider here. You see, true diversity is something far deeper than jumping on a political band wagon to stand with one area of equality, no matter how deserving or required that area is. Because diversity doesn't just cover race, it covers gender, status, ability and much more, both on and off the track.

Now before you say it, no, I am not a drum banging feminist hell bent on shackling bare chested men to the kitchen sink (though if Hugh Jackman offered….) 

Seriously though, I just want real equality. As a disabled female writer, I am not exactly in the majority within motorsport. Although I've largely been shown respect, I have sadly also encountered some hideous bigotry and misogyny. I’ve been uncomfortably propositioned and inappropriately touched at times. I've been denied equal access, credentials and pay compared to equally or even less qualified men. And, despite having instigated, managed, and worked on some major projects over recent years, I can still often find my work undermined or disregarded if it's submitted without a male colleague 'validating' it.

Please don’t mistake this as me whining, complaining, and demanding special treatment; that's something I have never, ever wanted on any level. I don't wish to be the token disabled woman in the media room to fulfil some politically charged agenda or equality target. I just want a fair chance to be there on merit, like most so called 'diverse' people do. I don't want you to open the door for me because I am a woman with disabilities. I am just asking that the door isn't automatically slammed in my face simply because I am not an able-bodied member of the old boy’s club with an often pickled 'history’.

If motorsport is serious about diversity, it must realise, accept, and address that it is by its very nature diverse. Because until such a time that people of all races, genders and abilities are truly given equal opportunities to grow and thrive within the sport, this 'drive' for diversity and equality will remain stalled in the pit lane. 

Seeing (dis)ABILITY

As a disabled person with various bionic parts/aids, I'm more than used to being gawped at, pointed to and whispered about whenever I go out. In most cases it's just well meaning curiosity at seeing something different, which is why I tend to engage and joke with people about it, hopefully making them more comfortable with disability in the future. 

Sadly though there will always be those that are just genuinely rude, ignorant and cruel too. Over the years I've gotten used to being called every derogatory term you can imagine, and many more you can't. As someone who already suffers from low self esteem and anxiety, it can be hard to deal with and often takes a toll on my confidence. But I try not to be dragged down by small minded idiots as I have never let myself be defined by my illness or disabilities. 

However, a recent encounter has left me pretty shaken up. On discovering I had a genetic disorder, some 'charming' numbnut, who knew nothing else about me as a person, merrily informed me that my parents "should have aborted me to keep the human race purer". I'm genuinely gobsmacked and stunned that anybody would even think it's ok to say that to another human.

It's far from easy living with disabilities and an incurable, progressive ticking timebomb inside of me. And I will confess that this incredibly challenging past year has driven me to some very dark places where I've considered how nice it would be to stop the world and get off..... But, at no point have I ever wished I'd never been born. Because despite, and in some cases because of, my situation I've done, seen and achieved some amazing things. Way more than ever imagined or believed possible, and I've still got many more dreams to chase yet too. 

Nobody has the right to make me feel worthless and unwanted. Especially not cruel, ignorant, bigoted, uneducated morons who know nothing about my life, my heart and my soul. Don't judge me on my obvious faults - look beyond the broken parts to truly see me. To see Johanna, the person putting everything into living to the full, not the disability or illness.

I was brought up to treat everyone the same, regardless of their age, ability, race, gender or status. I will treat you with the same respect whether you're serving me in a restaurant or you're a multiple motorsport world champion, so long as you treat me with respect back. I always believed this was normal, but it breaks my heart to see more and more a world that is divided by arrogance, selfishness, bigotry, misinformation and hatred instead. 

I know it sounds terribly naive, but I genuinely long for a world where we can all just get along. A world where differences are understood, embraced and we can respect, learn and grow together, no matter what. 

#BeKind #Together

Oliver Askew Indycar Texas Preview Interview

For race fans, the moment one season ends the countdown to the start of the next begins. But, as the checkered flag fell on the 2019 NTT Data Indycar finale at Laguna Seca, nobody could have imagined they would be counting for quite so long. Eight months on, as Indycar tentatively emerges from its corona virus enforced hiatus, series rookie Oliver Askew explains how lockdown has helped him prepare for the challenges of making his debut on the super-fast Texas Motor Speedway this weekend.

Reigning Indy Lights champion Oliver Askew laughs as he suggests he must now hold some kind of record for the longest time being an Indycar driver without actually starting a race. “It’s been like six or seven months, so we’re definitely ready to go,” he adds.

The 23-year-old, who joined the newly formed Arrow McLaren SP team alongside Pato O’Ward for the 2020 season, admits that although the extended break has been testing at times, it has brought some advantages too.

“I think it’s been hard for everyone to stay motivated. But I’m sure once the season starts, I’ll be able to get into that zone again. To be honest lockdown hasn’t affected me too much, as I’ve just used the time to get myself more prepared physically than I was before [planned season opener] St Pete. I think I needed that extra time. I know what my weaknesses are and that’s my motivation, to make sure they don’t hinder my performance this year.”

“It’s also been good for the guys at the shop, as we’ve had more time to learn and grow together,” he continues. “Our practice pitstops are faster now than prior to St Pete too, so hopefully we’ll be able to capitalise on that this weekend.”

Although it’s created varying levels of controversy for some drivers, Askew has found the lockdown Sim Racing sessions to be helpful with his real-life preparations. “We really didn’t have anything better to do through those weeks, but it’s actually been good for me to get used to racing around the Indycar drivers I haven’t competed against before. Obviously, it’s not the same as reality by any means, but just to be around those names has helped my confidence. Again, being able to work with the guys on the AMSP pit stand has been a big positive too. We were able to kind of emulate what the strategy would be like in real life, and how the spotters would be talking to me, relaying information. So, for that kind of thing it was very beneficial.”

Nothing beats real racing though and the young American is more than ready to join his fellow drivers on the grid for the Genesys 300 this Saturday. Though it’s fair to say that making his debut on the super-fast, high banked Texas Motor Speedway, with a condensed schedule, under lights and the brand new aeroscreen to contend with, is a far cry from the introduction to Indycar he was expecting.

“It’s going to be my first Indycar race, first Indycar speedway…. and with the condensed schedule as well, it’s probably going to hurt the rookie drivers and help the veterans. I don’t feel any added pressure, as the expectations are already pretty measured for both Pato and myself. You know he’s never even been to the track, and I’ve only spent a day there for my rookie evaluation” explains Askew. “I’m going in thinking of it as more of a glorified practice day. But if we have a good qualifying, which I really think we can make happen, then stay on the lead lap and out of trouble, I think we could have a top ten easily. Ovals are kind of strange that way, where you just circulate where you have to and stay out of trouble, and that usually turns into a good result.”

The Florida born driver has a strong record on ovals, having won both races on last year’s Indy Lights schedule, including the Freedom 100 at the iconic Indianapolis Motor Speedway. 

“I’m also undefeated on the Texas iRacing oval as well, winning there during quarantine!” he laughs.

“I know it’s not the same but having that alongside my two Indy Lights oval wins last year most definitely gives me confidence. I enjoy the challenge of racing on ovals and think they kind of suit my style, in the way it requires smooth input and a methodical approach.”

Though he’s competed in night races while karting, the sunset finish under lights at Texas will be yet another new experience for Askew on Saturday. But as he rightly points out, the fact that the new aeroscreen safety device introduced this season has yet to be tested at night suggests it will be a learning process for all the drivers. “None of us have the answers to how it’s going to be, so it’ll be interesting finding out. I guess we’re all just going to be in ‘show up and race’ mode.”

“To be honest, I don’t really know what the challenges are going to be this weekend, but I will be focused on not making any mistakes and executing when I need to. The heat will obviously be a big factor, and I’m curious to see how I feel in the car at the end, because it’s going to be really hot. I hope I can perform at my best through the whole race. Beyond that I just have to figure it out as the challenges present themselves. That’s one thing I love about racing in general though, as you never really know what’s going to happen.”

Signing for the Arrow McLaren SP team has been one of Askew’s proudest moments in his racing career so far, alongside clinching the Indy Lights title with seven wins last year. 

“Driving for AMSP means a lot to me. Ever since I was a little kid racing national go-karts and starting to win championships, I began envisioning myself becoming a professional Indycar driver. Even then it was a long shot, and it’s been a lot of work to get here. It’s easy to be engulfed in the present moment and always looking forward to the next race, but I think it’s important to look back and realise how far we’ve come too. Opportunities like this don’t come around too often, especially to rookies. So, I’m happy to be around such knowledgeable personnel and representing brands like Arrow Electronics and McLaren.”

Askew proudly goes on to explain that one member of the AMSP team has been a particularly big help, support, and influence on him as he's adapted to the team and Indycar. “Robert Wickens has been a lot of help to me. I like to call him a good friend and I can go to him with anything really. He understands the challenge that’s in front of me now, as he went through the same thing and has such relevant experience in Indycar. He’s a great person to have on our side. I think he’s probably the best mentor in the paddock right now because of his recent knowledge of the series.”

Wickens’ advice and support will certainly be a vital asset heading into the unknowns of the Texas race this weekend and beyond. Asking about his goals for the season, Askew is typically focused and measured in his response.

“Right now, the goal is to win Rookie of the Year, but I don’t really have any expectations. I’ll just try to take every weekend as they come and as a team, we’ll do our best to execute with what we have. That’s been my MO for the past few years, just take every race as it comes and focus on getting better. I think this is going to be steepest learning curve that I’ve come across in my racing career, and the people around me understand that. So, we’ll just focus on the weaknesses and trying not to make the same mistake twice.”

Given his impressive record through the Road to Indy ladder system and measured preparations for the challenges ahead, it’s hard not to imagine this rising US racer turning his ‘virtual’ successes into reality on the track.

The Genesys 300 Indycar season opener take place at Texas Motor Speedway on 6th June.

Always Forward

During the build up to the 2018 Indianapolis 500, I had chance encounters with several drivers in the recalcitrant media centre lift, but one stood out. To his great credit, the then series rookie lasted a whole level of our painfully slow journey before curiosity got the better of him and the inevitable question about my bionic leg brace appeared. As Robert Wickens stepped out of the elevator, still laughing at my 'bungee jumping accident' reply, I had no inkling just how poignant that brief chat would soon become... or that I had in fact been travelling with my hero that day.

Three months after our meeting, the Canadian endured a brutal crash at Pocono, causing widespread major injuries. That Wickens survived at all is a testament to both his fitness and the safety measures implemented within Indycar. That he and fiancé Karli Woods have openly shared online their determined journey to overcome the spinal cord injury he sustained is a testament to something far stronger. 

The extraordinary courage and attitude Wickens displays to his paraplegia has rightly earned him massive respect and made him an inspiration to many people over the past year. On a personal level, myself very much included. During the off season the real reason behind my joked about bionic leg, a not quite so funny incurable genetic disorder, went into overdrive. And, as my own body fell apart, I found that each new social media update from Robbie not only reassured and amazed me about his own recovery, but also offered a fresh injection of encouragement in fighting my own battles too.

I’ll openly admit to many ‘leaky eyed’ moments during those months. Some from pain and anger at my own situation, but many more from sheer pride and respect for Wickens. My frustrations at having to cancel longed for trips to races, only tempered by my delight at seeing the much-loved Arrow Schmidt Peterson driver returning to the paddock. His achievements spurring the growing need deep within me to get back to my ‘Indycar family’ as soon as possible.

In many ways, Wickens unknowingly became an extra driving force behind my determination. So, when the unexpected, last-minute opportunity to attend Toronto presented itself, I grabbed it with both hands. After all, what better place to return than at my ‘hero's’ home race? Yes, it was risky and probably not the most sensible thing to do and yet, somehow, it made perfect sense. I won’t pretend I wasn’t scared as I boarded the plane just six days after receiving permission to fly again, but I figured if Robbie can do this, then I sure as hell can too. Any lingering fears and doubts vanishing completely as I read, through yet more leaky eyes, that he would in fact be returning to the track that weekend, driving a pace lap in an adapted Acura NSX.

It may sound rather trite, but that’s when I knew for certain this trip was meant to be.

As soon as I arrived at the track, the tidal wave of emotions hit me. The unusual indoor paddock set-up at Exhibition Place seeming to intensify the unique sights, sounds and smells I’d missed so much. Stepping inside, I stopped after only a few paces, closing my eyes and breathing it all in. A big grin spreading across my face as I whispered, “I’m home’. The warm welcomes, far beyond my wildest imagination, from friends both old and new, fully cementing that feeling.

Toronto more than delivered the ‘therapy’ I needed. Even before on-track action began, fate had us in the right place at the right time. Standing in an almost deserted facility on the Thursday evening, we were privileged to watch Robert Wickens take his first few test laps around the circuit in the hand controlled NSX. In that moment, all the pain, effort and hurdles we’d overcome to get there just melted away – it was already worth it.

As the weekend progressed, yes, my body suffered, but it didn’t matter because my heart and soul were happy. I ‘danced’ with delight during first practice, soaking up that indescribable feeling only race cars create, the one I’d been aching for. I savoured every moment of track action I could. I watched qualifying from the pit lane in awe of my incredible friends, experiencing the intricacies of this sport I adore. I smiled and laughed so much my face hurt. I was back where I belonged; back in my happy place.

Just as Wickens was behind the wheel of his car on that Sunday afternoon.

I felt genuinely honoured to be on the grid before the race, standing alongside a very special gold and black #6 Acura as Robbie and Karli prepared for their pace-lap. The atmosphere was electric, crackling with pure, raw emotion, as they took to the track. The crowd’s cheers only matched by our tears. Judging from her reaction and screams, Karli might not be quite so willing to go along for the ride next time, but I know this is only the start of the journey for Robbie. And, as they pulled back into the pits ahead of the race, I thought my heart may burst with love and respect for the man who was, unwittingly, partly responsible for me being there to witness it.

The race was, as ever, kind of bittersweet, being both the focus and climax of the weekend. That odd mixture of emotions - excitedly watching the battles play out, willing your drivers to the best result, but conversely not wanting the chequered flag to fall on another race. Strangely though, after celebrating the podium, I was still feeling on a real high. The wave of ‘damn, it’s all over’ being held at bay somehow, as we soaked up the paddock one last time and bade our farewells to colleagues.

I had of course seen Wickens several times throughout the event but, despite my desire to thank him for inspiring me to be there, I’d not spoken to him. Mostly through respect and not wanting to intrude, understanding how exhausting it is being in such ‘great demand’ by the media and public alike. While saying goodbye to some friends within the team after the race though, the unexpected opportunity arose to offer my ‘thank you’.

Inevitably, I froze. An irrational fear of talking to people overwhelming me, even though I knew I’d regret it forever if I didn’t say something. As I struggled to gather my thoughts and find some scrap of courage, Wickens just happened to make eye contact with me, a warm, welcoming smile across his face. It was just what I needed in that moment. I then regrettably garbled my way through thanking him for inspiring and helping me to get to Toronto, unsure which of us was more embarrassed as I did so.

Thankfully things did improve from there, leading to a short conversation that will stay with me for many reasons - not least being dared to sit on the CN Tower’s glass floor! (Yes, I did and yes it was terrifying!) Of all the things we could have discussed that day though, the price of air fares from the UK and Indy respectively wasn’t one I’d ever have expected. Ironically, what Wickens doesn’t realise is that the ‘price’ I paid, both financially and physically, was totally worth every single penny and hour of pain and recovery. In fact, I’d happily pay double for what I gained on that trip.

I needed it all even more than I’d first realised. But perhaps, if I’m honest, the part I gained the most from was that unexpected chat after the race. In just a few precious words Robert Wickens gave me everything I needed and more. Much more than any doctor or medicine ever has or could, sending me home with the gift of positive thinking and the determination to focus on the team’s motto – Always Forward. Just like my hero.

Thank you, Robbie.

A Dream Postponed

To my dear IndyCar Family, this is a post I hoped I would never have to write & have tried everything I possibly can this past week to avoid. But as much as I hate to admit it, I am so sorry that I'm not going to make it over the pond to the Indy500 this year as I'd very much hoped to do.

In spite of my best efforts the complications I've suffered since my surgery have taken too heavy a toll. Talking with my surgeon this week it's become obvious that flying would present a serious risk to my health and that risk would not be fair on me, my family or you.

I am utterly gutted right now & am unashamed to admit I've shed many tears too. I was so desperate to experience this spectacular event in person with many of the wonderful friends I've made here.

However, as devastated as I am feeling at the moment, this blow has just made me all the more determined to get to Indy next year. This dream is merely on hold not over, that I can assure you!

Plus around the same time as Indy next year I will also be celebrating a rather significant birthday too - what better way to celebrate than at the Indy500?

I will of course still be as involved as possible in this year's race, watching & tweeting from across the pond. But it will also be very bittersweet not being there. I hope all my friends able to attend will have an extra special time for me & take lots of photos too please!

I really am so saddened & sorry that I won't get to see you all & share the Indy with you this year, but I promise that we'll make up for it in May 2015.

I'll write a proper blog over the weekend explaining more about my leg etc. But for now I can only apologise again for not being able to come over. I try so hard not to let my condition stop me or hold me back & I truly hate it when I have to accept that I can't do things but sometimes common sense has to win over my stubborn, bloody mindedness. Those times always makes me more determined to make it happen eventually though - and I will make this dream happen, I promise you that!

Enjoy this year's Indy500 my friends & thank you so much for all your support, encouragement & friendship, it helps me so much more than I can say.

Take care, 

Johanna x 

Because I'm Worth It?

So first things first, I must apologise for not having updated my blog for such a long time, the past few weeks have been rather hectic to be honest. I will endeavour to catch up over the next few days but please bear with me.

 

On that note I will begin by going back three weeks to my visit to the new genetics clinic, an appt that had me more than a little stressed beforehand for several reasons...

 

When I was first diagnosed there were only a handful of specialist doctors dotted around the country who treat the kind of condition I have. The nearest to me was a Professor working in a hospital across Yorkshire. This would entail a 140 mile round journey for me but was my only option as most doctors I saw couldn't even spell the basic conditions I had a mutation of - which doesn't exactly fill you with confidence!

 

Although this Professor was an eminent expert on connective tissue disorders and has been published in journals all over the world, by the time I saw him he was rapidly nearing retirement. Sadly this meant that I never really got the best care I could have from him, as he was very obviously 'working his ticket'. On one occasion I travelled down at the crack of dawn in horrible weather then sat for 2 hours before being seen, yet this Prof didn't even lift his eyes from his desk other than to pick his break time snack when the tea lady rather rudely interrupted my consultation!

 

Thankfully the one good thing I did get from Prof was access to some fantastic Orthopaedic surgeons down in the same hospital group who, over the past 7-8 years, have done their utmost to keep putting me back together. I can't put into words the gratitude I have for these guys as without them I would undoubtedly be wheelchair bound and very possibly even totally housebound. I literally owe them my life.

 

Anyway, a few years ago I travelled down for my routine appt with Prof, where he was supposed to monitor and help me manage my condition, but had done little of the sort for several years. On this occasion however, I was taken in to see a young, general doctor who calmly informed me that Prof had retired and wasn't being replaced as the entire unit had been closed! I was then also informed that I would be referred back to a 'local specialist' and from that moment on was dropped into a very deep, dark hole called limbo.

 

In time I received an appt to see this new doctor, who was still based over an hours drive away. On the day in question we'd had some of our worst snow fall in years which caused havoc on the roads. We battled through and arrived only 20 minutes late, which was something of a miracle given the conditions. However, despite the majority of his patients having cancelled, I was still left until the end of the clinic before being seen, by which time it was 12noon.

 

When I was finally ushered into his room, this so called specialist was utterly clueless, very arrogant and had absolutely no expertise in my type of condition whatsoever - stating that he was just 'interested' and we could 'learn together'. He didn't even examine me because it would take up to much of his lunch break and bluntly told me that he would have just cancelled the appt in these conditions (I'd waited 6 months for it already). He then proceeded to suggest I do the very physiotherapy that I'd actually been doing since before he was born and prescribed medications that I'd already told him I was allergic to. Needless to say, I wasn't impressed and didn't go back!

 

However I still needed someone to help me manage my overall condition, treating the bigger picture not just the broken parts so to speak. So I started asking my GP for help getting referred to a doctor who actually understood these conditions and could help me. Unfortunately the number of such people had reduced even further and when I pushed for help in finding a new specialist, I was told in no uncertain terms that it was down to me and 'not his job'.

 

The frustration at not having anyone help me merged with fear of not having anyone monitoring and managing a condition that could cause my major arteries and organs to rupture at any time. Nobody I spoke to seemed to understand why I was so concerned and wanted help. My GP even blurted straight out that I wasn't worth the cost of referral as it's not like they can fix me! I sat feeling shell shocked that my own doctor had basically just told me I wasn't worth helping. He genuinely couldn't see what I would gain. He couldn't grasp the idea of support, peace of mind, reassurance and having someone with real knowledge to turn to when things go wrong. All he could see was the pounds, schillings and pence.

 

I felt completely worthless. I felt empty. I felt lost.

 

Late last year I was sent to see yet another useless, general rheumatologist who had no clue about my condition. He then compounded matters by lying to me, writing a parcel of lies in my notes and cementing the general 'worthless' opinion people had of me. I cried with sheer anger and frustration when I saw what he had done...and cried even more when I was forced to see him again. This time he proceeded to dismiss my condition and try to label me with something he hadn't even tested me properly for. All so he could throw pills at me & suggest I needed therapy! When I challenged him he got very rude and arrogant to the point where I actually walked out of his office.

 

Doing so didn't make him change his views but did shock him into doing something, as  he finally referred me to a new diagnostic genetic clinic. Sadly this wasn't what I'd been asking for as my pleas for help with long term care/management fell on deaf ears and he sent me to a clinic that just diagnoses not treats. Again I felt deflated and lost...but eventually decided I had nothing left to lose in attending the clinic.

 

And so three weeks ago I made yet another 2 hour journey to yet another hospital where I sat for an hour laying bare my medical and family history yet again. Thankfully the consultant and genetic counsellor I saw were both lovely, really listening, putting aside other doctors pre-judgements and taking on board my situation and struggles. The upshot being that they too feel it's impossible to pigeon hole me into one particular type of condition and strongly suspect I have a unique mutation. The difference is, they've taken skin biopsies to genetically analyse on several different levels. The results could take 4-6 months but I'm interested to see what they find.

 

However, as interesting and helpful as this appt was, I am still very much in limbo with regard to support and management of my condition. The frustrating part is, there's a clinic in London that provides a multi-level care for conditions similar to mine, with specialists in all the areas affected working together to give a 'big picture' approach to managing these illnesses. Sounds perfect doesn't it? Only problem is, it's not available on the NHS...only to private, paying customers. Regardless of whether I can afford this or not, I find it utterly despicable that people with debilitating, disabling and potentially lethal conditions who are reaching the point of desperation with their lack of care are being denied help because they're not rich enough. It is tantamount to playing God.

 

I apologise for this post being so long and for ranting, but I find it so depressing that people can be broken down to cost effectiveness and profit margins. Health care should be about doctors doing the very best they can to help their patients survive and thrive regardless. Every doctor takes the Hippocratic oath when they qualify, part of which states 'First do no harm'.... Surely putting money before humanity can serve to do nothing but harm?

 

There is something so inherently wrong here it frustrates, angers and scares me. But you know what, I will overcome this. I will fight and I will find a way to thrive, because that is what I do and quite frankly I am too damned stubborn to give them the satisfaction of making me feel as worthless as they suggest I am. My illness has taken an awful lot away from me already so I won't let the medical profession take what's left.

 

As a very dear friend of mine taught me: 'I am Perfect, Whole, Complete, Strong, Powerful, Loving, Harmonious and Happy!

 

Johanna H x

Reflections

I'm often asked what it's like coping with my condition and the consequences it has on my life. Obviously words like frustrating, painful and frightening come straight to mind but the emotions involved in having your world turned upside down by sudden, debilitating, incurable illness are far deeper and complex.

 

To be honest I think the best way to describe it is like a silent, unseen bereavement. That may sound rather extreme but when everything that defines who you are is suddenly, unexpectedly taken away, the person you were effectively dies in that moment. Yet nobody notices. Nobody grieves or mourns your passing. There's no acknowledgement of your loss. You're still here, so nobody notices that you feel empty and dead inside, little more than a shell of what used to be and what was yet to come. Nobody sees the light in your eyes go out as you watch one dream after another being yanked from your grasp.

All the familiar things in your life disappear. Even things that you took for granted, like walking up stairs, making a cup of tea, getting dressed or showered yourself or going out alone are suddenly major achievements or, worse still, utterly impossible. You go from being an independent person in your own right, to having your identity absorbed in to someone else's life. No longer in control of how, when or even if you can do things anymore.

Until it happens you can't begin to imagine what it feels like to have every last scrap of your independence and identity taken away. Everything that made you the person you are, gone forever. Leaving you lost in the body and life of a complete stranger, with a new, unexpected and unwanted life to build from scratch.

As a writer I don't normally do poetry but I wrote this a few years ago to express the emotions of living with my condition and it's many consequences on my life. I hope it gives you a little insight into the many life changing aspects of my condition but also my determination to overcome as much as I can & rebuild the best life possible for this 'me'.
 

Reflections

When I look into the mirror, who is it that I see?

So many different faces are looking back at me.

There's the person that I used to be, so full of dreams, so free,

Not knowing what the future held or how different it would be.

 

The me who used to be healthy, the me who used to ride,

The me who lived at full speed, took all things in my stride.

That me now gone forever, the me that's lost for good

The me new friends would never guess, was ever flesh and blood.

 

There's the me that fought to stop my dreams from dying one by one,

Who strove to hold on to the past, who battled hard and strong.

The me who cried myself to sleep, trying to comprehend

How everything that defined me could come to such an end.

 

The me that hoped this would go away, that one day we could treat

The dreadful beast that hit me and knocked me off my feet.

That me who searched for answers from medics of every kind,

The one who fought so hard to prove, it's not 'all in my mind'.

 

The one who firstly was relieved, when diagnosis finally came,

But far from bringing answers, it just gave the beast a name.

The me who then had to come to terms, with disability and pain

Incurable, untreatable, I'd hear once again.

 

The me that baffles doctors now, who keeps them on their toes

With surgeries aplenty, to patch each part that goes.

Ruptures and subluxes, braces, pills and sticks

Are all a part of daily life, for the me they can not fix.

 

There's the me that finds it hard sometimes to face up to my fears,

Who struggles to get through those days without shedding any tears.

That me who simply has to shout, who has to scream and cry

When I don't know what scares me more, to live in pain or die.

 

And the me that people expect to see, the one who says 'I'm fine'

Who never shows quite how she feels, who doesn't whinge or whine

The one who's told 'You are so brave, a courageous inspiration'

Whilst holding all the pain inside, the anger and frustration.

 

There's the person that I'll never be, the one I dreamt of being

So many aspirations I've no longer hope of seeing.

Lastly there's a determined me, who'll always put up a fight

To make the best I can of life, chase dreams still in my sight.

 

So when I look into that mirror, who is it that I see?

Do I even recognise this person that meets me?

I'm all these people and much more, I'm everything they've made me

But most of all, I realise, I am the person I can yet be.

Johanna H x

No Man, Woman or Mutant Is An Island

On Sunday I was subjected to the cruel actions of a so called friend who has done little more than leech from me physically, emotionally and financially for the past 8 years. The situation is difficult and complex sadly, but that is beside the point. Because amidst my hurt and  anger I saw true friendship and support in action too - from people I have never even met. This got me thinking about friendship in general and made me realise just how much I'd lacked, missed and needed it.

 

As a young child I made friends easily, having a large group of pals, mainly boys as I was quite the tomboy, that I spent time with. Sadly as I progressed into senior (high) school away from many of my friends, it was a different story. It doesn't pay to be different in school and I most certainly was. Much smaller and younger looking than my peers, I felt very vulnerable, especially as I was going through the trauma of a seriously ill parent and coping with what we realise now were the beginnings of my own health problems too. Plus I was far more interested in doing calculus than calculating who I'd done, if you follow my drift. All in all it's safe to say the latter years of my schooling weren't exactly fun or filled with lasting friendships...

 

Thankfully though I had my saving grace, my horses. And if I'm honest the more time I spent with humans over the coming years the more I grew to love my equine friends! I seem to be a magnet for people who take advantage of my kindness and generosity, using me, bleeding me dry then tossing me aside when I'm no longer useful.

 

There was the stable girl from a well to do family who regularly 'forgot' her riding lesson payments, bus fare and food yet never once paid me back. The hotshot business woman so needy she'd spend hours on the phone complaining about the life she'd chosen for herself in London, her high paid job and even her family but who hung up on me the one time I tried confiding in her. Then we have the Aussie who used me to get a cheap tour of England, landing on my family for a month despite knowing we'd just buried my grandfather, my Dad was ill and I was in the middle of being diagnosed. Regardless of our obvious struggles, she still expected us to ferry her all over the UK. She broke half the house and ate us out of the other half....yet still insisted she'd come over to 'help us'.

 

And that's before I even get to the real nut job. Shortly after I was diagnosed I joined an online support group for people with similar types of conditions, just to try and feel less alone. Sadly whilst I did get support from most members, I also attracted the attention of a young Canadian women who proceeded to 'medically stalk' me. She would take details of issues I was having and had confided to the group about then use them to convince her doctors to give her drugs, appointments and tests galore. A genuine Munchhausen Syndrome using my medical history to gain her prize all whilst I was fighting being wrongly labelled a hypochondriac.

 

Her merciless, emotionally exhausting campaign drove me very close to a nervous break down. As a result I withdrew into myself, becoming very insular and isolated, not allowing myself to trust anyone after being hurt and used so much.  I hated being like that as I'd always been such a trusting, open hearted person, treating people as I'd hope they would treat me too. I hated that the selfish, cruel actions of a few people had changed my entire outlook and attitude to everyone.

 

Yet as the title of this blog suggests, no man is an island and I slowly learnt that I couldn't keep hiding away or coping alone. I was very reluctant to join Twitter at first, vowing I wouldn't leave myself open to be abused again. Yet I became strangely drawn to it, a little voice inside telling me 'Go on, you know you want to'. I missed talking to people who shared my passions in life. I missed contact with people outside of my family and tiny inner sanctum of trusted confidants.  

 

I guess if I'm honest I actually have my old motor-racing friend, Dan Wheldon to thank for me joining Twitter. It was my need to reach out to others feeling his loss that made me take that leap of faith. Being able to take strength from his amazing sister Holly, share the sorrow, shock and pain of his death but also remember the good times helped me grieve for a still much missed friend.

 

Yet in grieving one old friends loss I unwittingly opened up my world, my eyes and my heart to a whole host of new friends too. I've 'met' people from all over the globe who share my eclectic passions from horses to motorsport via music and wildlife. From my wonderful Twitter Sisters who encourage and support me in my goal to get back in the saddle, to my fabulous Glitter Pants crew whom I often spend all night talking IndyCar with! The various wlidlife groups that share my joy in nature, the talented musicians who enrich my life and the hugely inspiring KartForce guys desperate to get me back in a kart. Taking the plunge into Twitter has given me access to some amazing people in all walks of life, all over the world and reminded me what it's like to just be accepted, embraced and loved for who you are - not what you do, who you know or what you can give.

 

That fact was truly brought home to me on Sunday with the overwhelming and incredibly humbling response I received to a casual remark about the actions of a 'friend'. Your protective, angered yet supportive reactions made me feel whole, loved and worth more than this. A feeling I haven't had for a very long time, for many different reasons I may explain more about one day.

 

So this blog post is dedicated to you, my friends. To thank you for your support, your encouragement, your time, your acceptance, your understanding and above all else your friendship. Because you have truly shown me what that means. It's not about how many times we've met or even spoken on the phone, heck I don't even know where most of you live...and I don't need to. All I need to know is that you're there for me and that you know I'm there for you. That is what friendship is - unconditional, constant and a two way path.

 

A friend said recently, 'Twitter friends are the nicest people you'll never meet' and while I agree completely, I very much hope I can change that with at least some of you some day. But until we do meet, please know that I value your friendships deeply and I will always be here for you too.

 

Just please don't ever come and eat everything in my fridge in one sitting!

 

Johanna x

Fear Must Never Win

I have absolutely no intention of ever making this blog political or even overly topical. But like any sane, rational, feeling human being I am deeply shocked, sickened and saddened by the horrendous events at the end of the Boston Marathon on Monday. My heart, thoughts and prayers continue to go out to everyone involved and affected by this dreadful atrocity.

It is simply impossible to comprehend why anyone would do such horrendous things. What goes on in the mind of someone to make them think killing and maiming innocent spectators at a race is the right way to approach their perceived problems or grievances? We can barely come to terms with such evil let alone understand it.

Yet in the midst of such tragedy and loss we must not let our anger and fear blind us, or more importantly, change us. Despite how it may feel right now, this is not a cruel, evil world we live in. It's a beautiful world with beautiful people that is merely tarnished by the ugliness of a few. This is a world where one sick twisted mind can plant bombs to kill innocent people but also where hundreds of selfless, caring souls will run towards danger to help others.

We must remember that the ugliness in the world is outnumbered by the beauty and kindness. And it will continue to do so as long as we refuse to give that ugliness room to grow. As difficult as it is anger must not fester in our own hearts and we must not let fear control or change us, for then we give those who aim to terrorise us the very power and control they crave. The moment we are paralysed by fear and change the way we live, we have let terror win.

On September 11th 2001, I was sat waiting to visit my local library and excitedly looking forward to my longed for trip to Australia the following month. To pass the time I flicked on the TV and saw a skyscraper with smoke billowing from it's sides. Assuming it was an afternoon disaster movie I flicked over to the next channel, only to be met with the very same image. Confused and disorientated I noticed and read the news feeds scrolling across the screen and the horrendous realisation that this wasn't a movie felt like a violent kick to the chest. Sinking to my knees and shaking, I joined the rest of the world watching in horror as the unthinkable unfolded before our eyes.

Amidst the shock, grief and worry, over the coming weeks I faced difficult decisions regarding the holiday I'd been day dreaming about that very afternoon. The issue of Could I and Should I still travel weighing heavily on an already laden down heart. Could I find the courage to board that plane barely three weeks after 9/11? And more importantly in my mind, Should I even contemplate going, in the light of such tragedy and sorrow? Would it be disrespectful to focus on my own need for a holiday after so many people had died?

It took an awful lot of soul searching before I found my answers, but I slowly realised that I actually owed it to those people to get on that flight, to follow my heart and do what they couldn't any longer - live. Climbing on to that plane was far from easy to do, but as I sat there thinking of each lost life I knew I'd done the right thing. This was my tribute to them, my way of honouring them and my way of sticking a big proverbial finger up to terrorism by showing I won't be governed or crippled by fear.

Four years later I sat in front of my TV once again, this time watching in horror as my own capital city was ripped apart by yet more devastating, cowardly acts of terrorism. Joining far too many in the soul achingly desperate task of finding if loved ones are safe. The strange mixture of relief and guilt on hearing their voices, knowing so many people never got that longed for call. The stomach churning  realisation that a matter of moments before the blasts someone you love deeply was walking through tube stations that were now merely piles of rubble. That a matter of minutes had been the difference between life and death.

The terror wrought on London that day was meant to cripple us with fear, but yet again love and courage were stronger. The stories of sheer strength, bravery and heroism by people from every walk of life now stand head and shoulders above the names, faces and memories of the cowards who did this. My own love and need to be with the people I care about hugely over- rode any fear I felt as I travelled down to be with them days later. Now 8 years on I actually visit London and even use the tube far more than I did before 7/7. Because instead of dividing us the fear has united us and that is the only way we can fight this - united in the courage to continue.

We hear about the war on terror on a regular basis and it often feels so distant, so removed from us. Yet everyday we can play a vital role in that battle too, by not giving in to terror. By not allowing ourselves to be dictated to or manipulated by fear, by showing that far from dividing us, horrendous events like Boston actually unite us. By showing that the very worst actions of human nature can bring out the very best in humanity.

We owe it to the people who have lost their lives doing what they loved, or just going about their daily lives, to keep living and loving our precious lives to the fullest - overcoming fear and outnumbering the ugliness. Indeed we owe that much to ourselves.

Courage is never to let your actions be influenced by your fears. ~ Arthur Koestler